Hello. Please Go Away.

Hello.

It's probably a bad thing, that when I bug someone, I find pleasure in it?

At first when I am talking to someone, I go out of my way not to come across as clingy, or over enthusiastic. In fact... I'm a bit paranoid.

But every once in a while, there's that person who rubs me just the wrong way after we've been talking for a while, and I feel all that paranoia disappear, and have no trouble sending them ridiculous comments after a few too many drinks.

The thing is, I know they don't enjoy this new, annoying me. Because that's exactly what I want.

For them to...Go away?

Maybe.

Because it's easier to piss someone off, so they never talk to you again, than to worry every day that what you're saying is wrong.

You could probably say I "...push people away..." Yes... That's probably... Definitely true.

It's pure laziness on my part.

I don't want to have to work to have people like me.

And no one likes a clingy girl.

The one who has to text "hello" every day. And talk for hours about nothing.

Eventually, they leave you alone completely.

I may have lost a potential friend... boyfriend... anything...

But it's better than losing them later when they get close.

I think I've just started to see how terrible that is...

Last night I started to burn another bridge.

But I went to bed thinking...

"This person cares about you. This person cared enough to talk to you in the first place. Why are you going out of your way to ruin this?"

Maybe I'm trying to protect myself.... But in doing that... I'm losing the things that are important to me before I even have them. And that's wrong...

So my challenge to you? Be good. To everyone. Have genuine conversations with someone you have yet to get to know.

Lord knows I'm working on that myself ;)

So in the next week, I'll start to rebuild bridges. And be myself. Not someone I'm not, be it suave, sexy and cool... or naggy, clingy, and obnoxious. I can find my happy medium that has nothing to do with trying to make friends, or get rid of them before I find them.

May be stupid... But it's a goal for me.... :P

Thanks

~Cheers